Me and my boys........

Just a good time hangin with my boys......It brings back fond memories for me....you see, my boys live 5500 kms away and I don't get to see them anywhere near as much as I would like to. You know...... the divorce thing. If there is anything I have learned in my life.....and I would like to think that I have learned a few things...it's that divorce sucks....especially when children are involved. Try as you might you don't want them to be caught in the middle, but they are......and in my case they continue to be. If one does not have the financial wherewithal to overcome such a situation they can get royally screwed. I don't mean for this to be a sounding board, but you know I think it will be therapeutic for me to put down how I am feeling and work through all of the emotions one goes through as a result of a divorce and the loss of their children.
This will be my journey. I will attempt to blog my feelings and events with regards to my divorce and my attempts to have my boys returned to the westcoast. Their home that they know and love. This is not meant to be a tyrade but rather an opportunity to document my experiences, my feelings, and distress and hopefully joys and rewards of the company of my boys again.
I am sure that there are many of you out there that have had similar experiences and I would really appreciate hearing from you on how you deal with your emotions on a daily basis knowing that your children were taken from you.
If you will bear with me, I would like to share with you briefly what happened during my divorce.
My company was developing and I was working 12-20 hrs a day. My ex-wife resented the fact that I was away for such long hours.....but she did enjoy the financial benefits of my labours. She felt that I was not always working when I was away for the long hours. She believed that I was out carousing. That was the farthest thing from the truth. I was so loyal to her. I loved her and my boys and just wanted a better life for all of us. Yes, I had a friend who after work I would have a few beers with...He was going through the same thing I was....trying to make a go at his new business. We would spend time talking about our business and problems we faced on a daily basis being self employed, but also the rewards that came along with it. My ex never believed I was doing that. That was the beginning of the end. She was an entrepreneur herself. She held down a full-time job and then was working at establishing her own utlrasound business. She would blame me for not being there for her and the boys. I started my business to support the family, she chose to start hers after. Is there anyone to blame here? I don't know. I just thought I was doing what was right. I was trying to provide for my family. That was how I was brought up. That was my responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I encouraged her and supported her the best way I could. I often worked my schedule around her. I would stay home and get the boys off to school so she could go in early. I would make their meals and ensure childcare was taken care of. She forgot all of that. She focused on my long hours away. She forgot that those hours provided her with a home, a boat, vehicles, motorcycle, bikes, hot tub and vacations. If it hadn't been for those long hours life would have been different.

So the long hours. She chose to seek personal comfort in a old high school sweet heart. They started chatting on line which they did for a year. Then they finally met at a "conference" A weekend conference to the mainland. Ah those conferences. The long and the short of it. She states she was home sick and wanted to go home for a visit and take the boys. I agreed. She went for the "visit" and took the boys and never came back even after the courts ordered her back.

The court battles ensued. Thousand upon thousands of dollars were spent trying to get her to bring them back. My finances ran out and so did my strength to fight. I regret that to this day, that I gave up the battle. I regret it because I feel I didn't give up on me but on my boys. It has devastated me to this day. As I said in the beginning of my blog, divorce sucks and who suffers when there are children involved, the children.

I do get to see my boys. That is if I can afford the flights out west from Ontario. In just one and half years I have spent over $10,000.00 in flights alone for the privilege to see my boys. I just took them to the airport today. They were with me for the past six weeks. That is all I have seen them this year so far. The ex has made claim to them the rest of the year. I got screwed in the separation agreement. I know it. I have spoken with a new lawyer and he tells me I got screwed. But it cost money to change. Money I don't have. It is a vicious circle. If I want to see them I have to pay for their flights. Where is the justice in that? She took them and now I have to pay to get them back. I have to pay support. So again where is the justice in that? If she was out here with the boys we could have worked something else out. I could have had the boys for certain time periods etc. many many options could have been pursued. But they were not.

She is now in a relationship with that old high school sweetheart. I had my suspicions, but only had it confirmed by my boys this past visit. They informed me...and please know it was under no provocation on my part that the boys shared this with me, that just after 4 weeks after me moving out he moved in for a month. You can't tell me she didn't plan something.

Anyhow, I have vented. It is good. But as I said earlier, I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar.

I continue my journey, and will attempt to blog about how things go. Please be patient with me as I am new to the blog world, but this seemed to be a great place for one to share their life's experiences.

Just sign me......a saddend but hopeful father.