Life on Vancouver Island

Stress and the Modern Adult

2007-08-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

stress: n (stres)
-physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension
-a situation, occurrence, or factor causing this

excerpted from Webster's

My $0.02 worth

OK, so what does it take to deal with stress in these oh so stressful times we find ourselves encumbered by? Why does stress seem to enter our lives on a seemingly moment by moment occasion? What is it that makes us think that these occurences are so stressful anyway? Is it the fact that life, as it turns out, is NOT the proverbial bowl of cherries? Is that what ticks us off about stress? Is it invasion of our solitude and interruption of lifestyle? Is stress simply a misunderstanding of a given situation with frustration and ensuing emotions the method of dealing with it? Maybe it's a way of handling the diabolical self loathing we have for lack of time management which results in unfinished business. Or perhaps it is just a way of allowing us to get angry at the things we are not SUPPOSED to get angry at. Whatever stress is and how it manifests itself is different for everyone, that's a given.

On a personal level, I can understand being stressed if you are unsure of the outcome of certain things like, say, waiting to discover whether you are or are not going to get the death penalty. Now THAT would be stressful. I observe those around me and realize that stress does indeed come in all shapes, sizes and magnitudes. But.......why? Why worry about something you can't change? Most of all why worry and get "stressed" about those events which have no long term bearing on that which, again, we cannot change. If stress is leading to depression and forcing oneself to hide under the blankets then there must have certainly been events which led up to the cowering beneath a pillow which, by the way, really offers no protection at all from the stress gremlins. The prelude to most situations involving stress seems to be the mismanagement of time, resources and most of all planning. Lets say the report I had to get out to that important client is going to be late. Why is it going to be late? Because I wasn't given enough time to colour in the pie charts? BAH! I should have condensed the part extolling my personal virtues and got right to work to save some time, oh...and instead of interrupting my spreadsheet production I should have taken the garbage out last night while I was watching the least stressed cartoon family on television, Homer and his crew. If we stick to the facts we can avoid stress. In my humble opinion, stress is also compounded by emotion. I know what some of you are thinking but no, stress is not an emotion, neither is stressed. Emotion gets in the way of seeing things clearly and is a cause of, well.....stress. Anger clouds the ability to hear and see things for what they really are. Sorrow through self pity masks the fact that we have to get on with what has to be done. As the sporting giant says "Just Do It". Seems reasonable. There will be plenty of time for emotion when a situation is resolved, the great thing is that the emotions after the fact are 'feel good' emotions. I am not saying that emotions are a bad thing, I just think that they have their place and using them wisely helps us to avoid compounding stressful situations.

I like to fish, ride motorized vehicles of varying sorts, fix stuff even if it doesn't really need fixing, watch a little TV, ummmmmmmm well, I could go on but you get the picture. The key words there are "I like". How often does stress get in the way of doing the things we LIKE to do? Way too often in my opinion. The lawn mower won't get fixed any faster if I have to retrieve the hammer from the roof of the house where I threw it due to anger from stress. I am sure the dust bunnies under the bed are not going to eat my mattress while we are away for the weekend so why vacuum the carpet while everyone else is sitting in the car in 90 degree heat? Hey, the neighbour is going to collect the newspaper, the doors are locked lets go do something we LIKE to do. Don't get stressed and try to justify it by doing something we don't like to do. Feeling good doesn't have to be payment for feeling stressed. Oops! Stress is not an emotion remember?

I am rambling now but I am not going to stress about it. I will just do something about it then go somewhere and feel good, doing something I like.

In the immortal words of author Richard Carlson:

Don't sweat the small stuff!

Lonely Victim Seeks Allies

2007-01-02T12:09:00.000-08:00

OK.....Sounds more like a personal ad than anything, but it's not. It is a desperate cry for help in the world of long lost spouses everywhere. Spouses who have been cast aside for the world of....you guessed it.......the "B" word. BLOGGING!!!. It is painfully evident to my wife that I am not a blogger in the true sense of the word. I don't wake up in the middle of the night with an idea for my blog that just has to be written.......NOW!!! I realized a few days ago that the world of blogging can be, and is an addiction. The startling fact came when I approached, carefully I might add in fear of the dreaded response, my wife to try and stir some reaction. I suggested that she may want to call the F.D. because her beloved Mustang was on fire. Victim of the burning oil on the stove which had spread to the dusty vacuum cleaner beside the counter full of dishes over the dishwasher which had been dirty for almost three days. Upon throwing the vacuum out the door and extinguishing the french fries and deep fried kraft dinner, the staple foods of any blog spouse, I returned my attention to the dusty, flame engulfed vacuum igniting the white Mustang now glowing a beautiful orange and green colour due to the melting ground effects kit emitting styrene fumes and killing the cat. I quickly ran for the hose to keep the flames at bay but alas it was nowhere to be found. Upon further investigation It was discovered lying in the long dead garden exactly where it had been abandoned for the fall season of posting holiday wishes to every blogger within 10,000 miles of us. Ahhhhhhhhh....water and melting plastic, not such a good combination. The water seemed to carry the 50,000 degree styrene vapour firestorm ever closer to the house and toward the still smouldering fries and K.D. lying dangerously close to the bar-b-q tank, preheating it for the inevitable disaster imennently inducing the ultimate demise of our dwelling. WATER! WATER! As much as possible to save our blood, sweat and tear laden home from impending doom. RUN, GET THE HOSE, TURN IT ON, COOL THE TANK....................nothing, hmmm...was working. Seems the water bill is still lying peacefully beside her keyboard as it has been all fall (see above). Why today? Seems like the volunteer fire department is taking forever to arrive. They must be blogging. Hmmm......sand....yes, sand. Off to the garden I dash looking along the way for the utensils I will need to save our beautiful abode. Shovel, yes shovel.......but where? Oh, it dawns on me that the shovel is up the driveway where my sweet blogaholic had left it last winter when digging out her car from the snow only because she had to go to the store for paper to print some of the more important posts, 500 sheets and three ink cartridges later she managed to find her way through the weather back to her keyboard. The shovel.....FOUND IT! Pails.....oh yeah in the laundry room full of clothes and dust bunnies from the seldom used dryer. Two should be enough. Past the office I dash stopping briefly to say hello and express a seldom acknowledged "I love you". Into the laundry room and back out the door. Sand......garden......flames...gotta move......faster, faster, push the limits of endurance. Garden.......sand......pails. Whew...well on the way to eliminating the threat now ominously close to the propane. The river of charred black ooze from the once pristine convertible inching it's way toward certain mass destruction. Distributing the sand on the flames now licking at the sides of the tank was somewhat anti-climatic after the adventure just experienced, but the firefighters, who had to go out for printer paper anyway, stopped by to ensure their blogmate was well and congratulate me on taking the situation in hand and resolving it in a timely fashion. They bid me adieu in a curt and quick fashion and advised me they would see me online later, whatever that means. I venture inside the smoke filled kitchen, around the dust pile where the vacuum once lay, through the pile of coats and shoes in the front hall and into the coveted office space to my cast aside overturned desk chair (seems there is never enough room for blogging). Wet feet, sand in my hair, soot coated clothing, the stench of melted plastic in my burned nostrils, I sit down and express my love and adoration for my beautiful wife. She greets me with her loving, admiring grunts and I explain what has transpired to which I get the anticipated response............Just another 10 minutes honey.

RIP 2006 BLOG SPOUSES

Thank you for listening, I gotta go. Laundry to do.

Doug

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All characters in this story bear no similarity to any persons living or dead. Or do they?

Disclaimer2: I love my wife. ( I know she will find this eventually)

Favourite Ways to Pass the Time

2006-11-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

Thought I might share with you what life in our area is like.

My wife, Mary Anne and I have the pleasure of enjoying all this within a 45 minute radius of our house. We love all kinds of sports and nature watching.

We are definitely happy and have been for 9 years now.

Only question is...Where do you go to "get away from it all"???

This is our starting point.

Our houses on 5 forested acres, myself and my wife in the cedar house.

The other house has 2 suites. Too much house for 2 of us.

21 pound Chinook salmon-10 min. drive, 20 min boat ride

7 Halibut in two hours-30 min drive 15 min by boat

Me on the right, brother on the left

Fish finder

Gettin some airtime-10 mins from our door

More airtime....only slightly different...3000 ft.

This one took all day though with training and all.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........The toys of it all

the latest addition...Mary Anne's quad

gotta go up the mountain for this one

.......and then there are the sunsets, particularly from the boat

Amazing what a difference in colour a few minutes makes

...and my favourite one...my Dad and myself out fishing on my boat

getting our rig back in the water

The most important aspect of my life, my wife

(on the right of course, me on the left in case there is any confusion :-)

Well I hope you all enjoyed the tour of our "backyard". Come again soon as I will be taking more sunset shots this time of year as well as Bald Eagle roosting grounds at an estuary near our home. We saw 10 in one tree a few days ago and perhaps 60 or 70 others nearby but alas.....no camera.

Life is good here.

Doug

Mary Anne and my birthday

2006-10-31T10:17:00.000-08:00

Well, as a direct result of Mary Anne my birthday was a success, except for the idiot that one of Mary Anne's friends brought with her. Nobody could get in a word in edgewise and we all suffered as a result. Most interesting that Sandy broke up the relationship later that evening. Proud of her. Mary Anne put out a spread that was to die for. All my faves and then some. She is quite a woman when it comes to special occasions as I am sure u can all tell by the pics on her blog. Anyways I just want you all to know how special she is. (not as in special olympics) but just that she has such a heart.
Later,
Douglas

An innocent victim of a lie told in silence

2006-10-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

My wife "qualicumrn" introduced me to this project and told me about Cathy's story line. I thought I would like to participate. This is so out of the norm for me, but I wanted to give it a try. So here is a poem I wrote, not sure why or how the words came to mind but here it is,

A flash in the pan
A shot in the dark,
A half life of innocence gone on a lark.
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care,
She hoped that her parents wouldn't know he was there.
In silence they looked into each other's eyes,
Still to this day, doesn't know why she cried.
She offered herself to this homecoming king,
With hopes that someday he would offer a ring.
As daylight approached
Being physically spent,
He gathered his things his blessing he sent.
She called and she called
Every day every night,
Holding on to the dream everything was alright.
One evening of lust now she is a mother,
By virtue of nature, She will not love another.
Now the baby is grown his mother long gone
His roam through the darkness sings a sad lonely song.
She walks by his side never offers opinion,
She still protects him for he is God's minion.
She walks with him even though she has died
She suffers forever as a result of the lie
He suffers each day as a life of reliance
An inocent victim of a lie told in silence.

I hope that you may enjoy this poem.

Life's journey

2006-09-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

In looking at my last post...Which was sometime ago I might add. It got me thinking. What role has my life experiences played in who I am today and where I am today in my life's journey.

I will not venture to tell it all here and now...But I will use this blog to journalize my life's experiences.

So without further adieu....I begin.

My life started at 21. Before that, I was persecuted. I was neglected friendship because I was different. I was living a life of solitude. I was different because at a young age of 2 1/2 years I endured a life altering experience. That being I was burnt over 35% of my body.

Surgeries over the course of 16 years had caused me to have no summers. School was a necessity, so my surgeries always happened in the later part of the school year with recovery period being in the summers. While other children were playing, swimming, water skiing, having camp fires, I was in the background. Relegated to observation only.

My mother. God bless her. During the 6 weeks while I was critical, she never left my side. I was in the hospital for six months. She never left me. She slept by my crib. She wiped my brow while I cried myself to sleep. I think I gained my strength to live from her. I think she made the biggest sacrifice of them all. She gave her soul in the hopes that I would survive.

It came time for me to go home. She nursed my wounds. Day in and day out. She never complained when I would fret and cry and say I didn't want any of this. She abandoned my brothers and sister to be with me. I feel bad about that. I thank the powers that be that she was there.

I spent my birthday in the hospital, the nurses were so good to me. They bought me birthday gifts. They tried their hardest to make my life the best it could be under the circumstances. They were a huge part of my recovery. Maybe that is why I am married to a nurse today.

Then there is my father. Thank god for him. He provided me with undying love, support and nurturing. He helped me through those very difficult times. My father has always been an integral part of my life. He endured in his life more than you and I can imagine. He was there through all my surgeries, my loneliness, my grief, all those summers while I had to sit by and just watch life. I so wanted to participate. He knew it. I felt like "Quasimodo" so disfigured. Who could love someone like me? Who would want to be with someone so disfigured. The persecution I endured was extreme. I became a fighter. Survival of the fittest. It was out of sheer necessity and I became hardened.

I remember one time in grade 6 and I was hanging with some kids. There was a girl who started talking about my burns. She commitment on how ugly they were. She said "nobody would ever love him because of his appearance" That if anything was burnt into my soul.

From that day on my soul changed. One day without notice, I obtained inner strength. I felt that I knew who I was, what I could do. I found that I didn't need anybody else. Life was going to be what "I" made it.

The grievous part about being different is that the persecution becomes your strength. It is unfortunate it has to happen this way. The weakness of other people enables you to gather strength. You learn from it.

You learn that the people who condescend you for being different, are weak themselves. They gather their strength in your differences.

There was a time in my life when people took pity on me. I didn't want that. I didn't want my scars to hold me back. There were the coaches who saw my physical alignments and would not work with me to achieve what I felt I could. Then there were the ones who did believe. They saw beyond my scars. They saw my spirit. My desire to achieve. They helped me and supported me however they could.

I knew I could be more than my scars. I was Douglas. I was strong. I was proud. No one was going to tell me I couldn't achieve. Damn them...Damn them all. I was going to achieve. I didn't' give a shit what they all thought. My burns would not limit my life. No one or anything was going to limit what I could do....Only me. I would set my limits.

So I leave it at that for now.

If anyone out there who reads this has a similar story I would love to hear from you. This is only the beginning. I will not focus my whole blog on this topic. But there will be times that I will reflect back onto my early years. So bare with me. I hope you enjoyed reading my blog.

My post below, I talk about my experience in meeting Luna the whale. I posted a link to that. That experience changed my life forever.

A Whale of a Time

2006-08-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

As the link below shows I had the great fortune of meeting Luna the unfortunate Orca. Very exciting and scary at the same time. These pics are from mine and my brother's boat who was also involved with the encounter (that's me in the red boat). I hate to think I was part of Luna's demise by boat encounter) but it was before the hype about human contact. Rest in peace Luna.

Luna

2006-08-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

Me and my boys........

2006-08-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Just a good time hangin with my boys......It brings back fond memories for me....you see, my boys live 5500 kms away and I don't get to see them anywhere near as much as I would like to. You know...... the divorce thing. If there is anything I have learned in my life.....and I would like to think that I have learned a few things...it's that divorce sucks....especially when children are involved. Try as you might you don't want them to be caught in the middle, but they are......and in my case they continue to be. If one does not have the financial wherewithal to overcome such a situation they can get royally screwed. I don't mean for this to be a sounding board, but you know I think it will be therapeutic for me to put down how I am feeling and work through all of the emotions one goes through as a result of a divorce and the loss of their children.
This will be my journey. I will attempt to blog my feelings and events with regards to my divorce and my attempts to have my boys returned to the westcoast. Their home that they know and love. This is not meant to be a tyrade but rather an opportunity to document my experiences, my feelings, and distress and hopefully joys and rewards of the company of my boys again.
I am sure that there are many of you out there that have had similar experiences and I would really appreciate hearing from you on how you deal with your emotions on a daily basis knowing that your children were taken from you.
If you will bear with me, I would like to share with you briefly what happened during my divorce.
My company was developing and I was working 12-20 hrs a day. My ex-wife resented the fact that I was away for such long hours.....but she did enjoy the financial benefits of my labours. She felt that I was not always working when I was away for the long hours. She believed that I was out carousing. That was the farthest thing from the truth. I was so loyal to her. I loved her and my boys and just wanted a better life for all of us. Yes, I had a friend who after work I would have a few beers with...He was going through the same thing I was....trying to make a go at his new business. We would spend time talking about our business and problems we faced on a daily basis being self employed, but also the rewards that came along with it. My ex never believed I was doing that. That was the beginning of the end. She was an entrepreneur herself. She held down a full-time job and then was working at establishing her own utlrasound business. She would blame me for not being there for her and the boys. I started my business to support the family, she chose to start hers after. Is there anyone to blame here? I don't know. I just thought I was doing what was right. I was trying to provide for my family. That was how I was brought up. That was my responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I encouraged her and supported her the best way I could. I often worked my schedule around her. I would stay home and get the boys off to school so she could go in early. I would make their meals and ensure childcare was taken care of. She forgot all of that. She focused on my long hours away. She forgot that those hours provided her with a home, a boat, vehicles, motorcycle, bikes, hot tub and vacations. If it hadn't been for those long hours life would have been different.

So the long hours. She chose to seek personal comfort in a old high school sweet heart. They started chatting on line which they did for a year. Then they finally met at a "conference" A weekend conference to the mainland. Ah those conferences. The long and the short of it. She states she was home sick and wanted to go home for a visit and take the boys. I agreed. She went for the "visit" and took the boys and never came back even after the courts ordered her back.

The court battles ensued. Thousand upon thousands of dollars were spent trying to get her to bring them back. My finances ran out and so did my strength to fight. I regret that to this day, that I gave up the battle. I regret it because I feel I didn't give up on me but on my boys. It has devastated me to this day. As I said in the beginning of my blog, divorce sucks and who suffers when there are children involved, the children.

I do get to see my boys. That is if I can afford the flights out west from Ontario. In just one and half years I have spent over $10,000.00 in flights alone for the privilege to see my boys. I just took them to the airport today. They were with me for the past six weeks. That is all I have seen them this year so far. The ex has made claim to them the rest of the year. I got screwed in the separation agreement. I know it. I have spoken with a new lawyer and he tells me I got screwed. But it cost money to change. Money I don't have. It is a vicious circle. If I want to see them I have to pay for their flights. Where is the justice in that? She took them and now I have to pay to get them back. I have to pay support. So again where is the justice in that? If she was out here with the boys we could have worked something else out. I could have had the boys for certain time periods etc. many many options could have been pursued. But they were not.

She is now in a relationship with that old high school sweetheart. I had my suspicions, but only had it confirmed by my boys this past visit. They informed me...and please know it was under no provocation on my part that the boys shared this with me, that just after 4 weeks after me moving out he moved in for a month. You can't tell me she didn't plan something.

Anyhow, I have vented. It is good. But as I said earlier, I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar.

I continue my journey, and will attempt to blog about how things go. Please be patient with me as I am new to the blog world, but this seemed to be a great place for one to share their life's experiences.

Just sign me......a saddend but hopeful father.

Life with my Mary Anne

2006-08-12T15:50:00.001-07:00

I love her and I will work on this blog.